Thursday, 15 November 2007

• Ideas for an intentional community ministry for single moms

  Background:
  Since having DS, I have developed a HUGE heart for single moms who are trying to raise their kids well, especially breastfeeding, AP moms, Christian or not.  When I was in Nebraska, I ran into and befriended a few single moms and tried to help them out as much as possible by giving them a break from mothering, cleaning their house occasionally, inviting them for dinner and trying to make them feel special as well as competent when they were struggling.  One of these ladies was my best friend and she called me yesterday, almost in tears, she's working full-time, her son is 14 months and becoming very needy and clingy and she's just worn out and doesn't know what to do.  She desperately wants to AP/GD him, but she finds herself at her wit's end and sometimes yelling.  She's incredibly discouraged.  My heart aches to give her respite.  I wish more than anything I could just be there and help her through this time gently. 

   

  Talked to my SIL (DH's sis) tonight and she was having a tough time because of her husband, who is showing more and more signs of neglectful behavior towards her boys (a 6 mth old and a 2 year old) when he is caring for them.  She is barely holding the marriage together and the counseling is not working.  They were married when she found out she was pregnant after dating this guy for just a few months, bought a house, had a baby that required open heart surgery at 4 days old, three months old and has final one coming up in April and then she got pregnant again when first baby was only 8 mths old.  She's exhausted and really not sure when her marriage will end, but knows it will at some point and doesn't know what to do when it does.  I'm heartbroken for her and her situation.  I wish more than anything that I could be there and help her through some of this.
   
  
  The Point of This Ministry:
  Get mothers like the situations I have talked about, into a place where they are able to receive support in a gentle Christian environment.  Give them the tools they need to raise their children in a village of caring people.  Provide them with ways to make a living with their children by their side instead of relying on outside childcare.  Help them pursue their dreams by supporting breastfeeding, gentle parenting, job counseling and training, good safe childcare if they chose to work outside the community, a home of their own to live in with their child with the knowledge that a helping hand is just a door or two away, spiritual guidance and counseling, and a chance to make a difference in the life of other women who pass through the doors after them.
  
  The Means of This Ministry:
  This is just an idea, still hashing it out.  As the developers of this community, I, or someone with some money (LOL) would purchase something like 10 acres of usable land in a location where there are outside jobs as well as resources (healthcare, shopping, etc). Ideally, this would be somewhere in the area we are in now, which would make it about 30-40 minutes to Sacramento, closer to smaller cities.  Each woman would be responsible for securing a loan for the cost of a pre-fabricated cabin/cottage (I've seen them range anywhere from $10,000 to $50,000) to be put on the property.  An example of a $30,000s range cabin would be this one http://www.cabinkit.com/ckbetony.htm .  The women would then be able to live for a specified amount of time at that location rent free, as long as she is paying her cabin loan and contributing towards a monthly utilities payment.  She would be able to live on her own, with her child in the cabin/cottage on the property during that time.  At the end of the specified time she committed to living there, we would make further arrangements for her to continue to live there or she could move and be partially reimbursed for the cost of the cabin.  Like if she paid a 20,000 cabin loan in full, she would get back her money minus a certain amount for the time that she was living there (say $200 for every month she lived there, she lives there 3 years, she gets $20,000 minus $7200 back into her pocket)  When she moves out, the cabin becomes ours and stays on the property.  During the time she lives there, she is responsible for her own food and other living expenses.  Another possibility is that instead of a loan, we could get a church to sponsor a woman in building her a house at partial cost.
  
  The Eventual Goal of This Ministry:
  Keeping the cycle of the ministry going, the women who have been ministered to begin to minister back to incoming moms, maybe we would change our focus to teenage moms in the foster care system, maybe we would outreach to troubled kids, I'm not sure exactly of the target, but I would eventually like to see:

   

  1. A breastfeeding support center like Milkworks in Lincoln Nebraska http://www.milkworks.org/ (maybe help the original moms who are interested get IBCLC training/certification)
  2. Some sort of industry that enables moms to stay with their kids (organic garden/farmers market or handmade items internet company, etc).
  3. An art therapy studio for kids with troubles (abuse, neglect, abandonment)
  4. A horse therapy stable for kids with troubles (check out http://www.crystalpeaksyouthranch.org/, I've been there and trained with them before I got preg with DS)
  5. A resource center (similar to the YWCA) for moms-to-be to learn about birthing, child-rearing and gentle parenting, and a counseling center. 

   

  Okay, but that's just dreaming big.
  
  Conclusion

  There are a LOT of nooks and crannies to beat out of this idea.  I'm definitely interested in the bad and good that you could see.  If you ask me pointed questions, I will most likely say, "I don't know" because it's just a thought that I'm formulating and I don't think I could commit to much of an answer.
  
  Granted, this doesn't even sound feasible, but could it be, starting small?  Is there a chance that this could work with the right people?  If you are a single mom that's struggling, would this be something you would be interested in, even short-term?  Would you be offended by someone trying to help you in this way?  If you are a single parent, but not struggling, do you think you would like something like this?  Is it nonsense to expect a mom to be able to get a $10,000-$30,000 loan?  Is this a stupid idea in the first place?
  
  Thanks for any and ALL advice.  I am just really feeling out the waters, this isn't something I can do anytime soon, but maybe in 5 or 10 years, it might work.

   

  Jen

  
  

  
  

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